How to satisfy a Woman

Get your minds out of the gutter! Lol. This is like the question of the century though. Men don’t seem to understand women and even women don’t seem to understand women. What is a man to do to understand how to satisfy a woman on the long haul. What I’m about to tell you is probably going to add a spark to your relationship… You can thank me later.

It hit me when I was in Mexico years ago while I was on some personal business… Merida, Mexico to be exact.  Beautiful little town, great people and fantastic original local cuisine. In Merida, one of the best places for local cuisine was said to be the Chaya Maya restaurant and so off I went.

I enter and I’m greeted with the sound of chicken sizzling on the fajita grill and tacos being made. Maduro (Spanish for sweet plantain /dodo) was in abundance and I’m ready to chow down. As I sat alone at my table, I couldn’t help but notice a couple in the room. The woman looked so in love. She loved his embrace and she barely allowed any space between them. It looked like I was in a Spanish soap opera. They were kissing like it was going out of style and spitting out sweet nothings in Spanish as the sizzling chicken, steak and onions added the soundtrack from the nearby open kitchen.

I’m sure they have sex like wild animals but ask any woman who has had her fair share of it and she’ll probably tell you it’s not the answer to satisfaction in a relationship.The environment was prime for the question to pop into my mind: How will he sustain her love over time? How will he truly satisfy this woman?

My fajitas came on the skillet. Black beans on the side right next to the rice. The smell was so good I instantly produced almost as much saliva as I did when I went to my favorite buka (hole in the wall restaurant) in Abuja, Nigeria. The question remained. How will this man sustain the love of this woman? Then two things hit me. First:

No man can satisfy a woman simply by what HE DOES FOR HER. He fulfills her by allowing, motivating, and supporting her to be everything that SHE has the potential and capacity to be. In other words, he fulfills her when (because she is with him) SHE DOES FOR HERSELF.

That may mean he sometimes has to support and push her…to the point where she begins to wonder why he believes in her even more than she believes in herself….to the point where he pushes her out of her comfort zones and “limits”.

See, that’s ok because when she begins to succeed, when she begins to positively impact and affect the lives of others and pursue her passions, she then truly begins to grow from having satisfaction in her “relationship”, to the realm of getting satisfaction out of “LIFE”. At that point, her man stops being the sole source of her satisfaction. Some of the pressure is off him to define her sense of self. The pressure is off him when he has a bad day and he isn’t the knight in shining armor for a day or two -hopefully not for much longer :o). When that happens, she has enough butterflies out of LIFE to patiently “carry” the relationship for a little while when he is not physically or emotionally available, or when she is looking for sources of affirmation…until he gets his groove back.

The problem we men have, is that we are afraid to build up and invest in our ladies. Society has trained us that part of what defines us as men… is our ability to do better than our wives so we can “provide” for them.  The problem is that society is failing to teach us that the definition of “provision “has changed. Let’s use Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as a basis. He tells us that our needs as humans start at the bottom with our physiological needs

Let’s use Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs as a basis. He tells us that our needs as humans start at the bottom with our physiological needs of food, water, shelter etc; moving up to belongingness and the need for intimate relationships; to self-esteem and the need to feel accomplished; and finally to self-actualization and the desire to achieve one’s full potential.

So as it relates to our women, it’s no longer a matter of being able to satisfy her physiological basic needs of food shelter, clothing and so on. Oh no. Many women today can provide that for themselves better than we men could. The focus is now her self-actualization needs. Needs that revolve around the fulfillment of her potential, passions, sense of legacy, and etc. That’s not to say that the physiological and safety needs are no longer important…it’s that they are really a means to the destination of her sense of fulfillment as a person.


It’s not the big things that we do “once in a while” that keep a relationship going. It’s the little things that we do “ALL the time” that do.

Valentine’s day. The Anniversaries. Birthdays. Graduation. Achievement Celebration.  The list goes on and on for the events we scramble to make memorable to prove our love. We spend our last dime on big gifts, teddy bears, jewelry, perfumes, dresses, fancy dinners and all that stuff. Nothing wrong with that, but that stuff doesn’t sustain woman’s love. It’s not the big things that we do sometimes…once in a while that matter, but it’s those little (seemingly little) things we do a lot of, that sustain relationships. That weekly foot rub, the notes by the bed, the random call in the middle of the day to check up on her, reading her mind before she says a word, knowing ALL her sizes and randomly buying that dress, shoe or lingerie, showing up unannounced at work with a handmade gift, that side of her face you like to kiss whenever you say goodbye, finding a song she would like and sending it to her as a dedication… It’s the little things that you do a lot of that keeps her heart in your hands for a long time.

So there you have it. Yes, it can take a lot to satisfy a woman….but start here and you will be irreplaceable. You will be in a league of your own and perhaps most importantly, you will build a storage of credits for yourself that can carry you through the times when you are not all that great.

Do these things and she won’t be able to get you out of her mind. She will be like the “homing pigeon” that finds its way home from long distances back to its own nest and its own mate. Do these things and she will always return home to you no matter how far or how high she flies or how much she achieves. You can thank me later.

So what do you think?

  • Gloria

    You are soo correct. its not the big show of affection that matters, its the little things you do that she’ll mostly remember.. ALSO, supporting her is also important, and it goes both ways. In order to have a healthy relationship, supporting each others dreams and goals is very important. But since the title says “How to satisfy a Woman”, it goes without saying, treat and love her right, and also support her and you’ll see that you wont regret it.

  • Lovethispiece!

    very very nice piece of writing! just like jennifer lopez sang in a song from the early 2000″s , called “My love don’t cost a thing”….. The song is saying its not about the fancy cars, or the things you buy, etc, it’s about the guy “being” there for the woman….
    It’s all about the little things. I’m looking forward to the counterpart of this article…”how to satisfy a man”. Can’t wait!
    Good job Mr. Atte!

  • RITA

    I love this piece. You are a great man and your wife is a divinely blessed woman. Am forwarding this blog to God because i want my husband to be gifted with these attributes you have written about.

  • Lola

    I agree with this and i am impressed with ur analogy of the hierarchy of needs.. Good Job.

  • OmogeNaija

    There is this experience that comes to mind after reading this piece, showing love is sure not limited to expensive gifts, little things, as in tiny little things matter a lot. There is a little girl who lives with us, she’s 9 years old and we sleep in the same room. There was this morning, as I passed by her to leave the room,of course I thought she was still sleeping, she slightly rose and touched my right leg, and said goodbye with a faint smile, I was both stunned and amused I gave her a quick smile and told her ‘odabo (bye)’, she did it the next day, this time I wasn’t stunned, but I enjoyed the little touching, from that day, I found out that I began to look forward to it, I left really loved by her!
    So, showing love to your wife can be be tiny little things you dont count! Weldone Mr. Atte. We are looking forward to another post o, it’s being almost a month na

    • ijustmetme

      Wow! OmogeNaija… I love it! great stoty and Yesss. You are sooo right. Good stuff. Thanks for sharing and yes…some good stuff coming up ;o)

  • Ej

    Nice piece!
    I just mailed it to my

    • ijustmetme

      Nice Ej!

  • Tayo

    Boscooooo!!!, nice piece. Really educative. I love the part about the small things that matter…funny, the good lady hinted that about a year ago but guess this just re-affirms the female position. She also read your blog on how to satisfy a man…so I dey Good blog you got here, you got a dedicated reader son.

  • Grace

    Wow,i love this piece.
    How i love love:)

    • ijustmetme

      Awww grace! too cute! Thanks!

  • HoneyDee

    This is such an amazing piece! It is such a detailed one too! I know what you mean about the African man..haha!!
    Ur blog has been bookmarked, Facebook shared and emailed to my special Him 🙂
    Looking forward to more posts!! x

  • ND

    wow!!! u took the words out of my heart, Literally! This piece is the reason for so many needless divorces. Most times they all say, “we still love each other, but are at separate places in our lives now”. Keeping both partners in love is more important than falling in love. (My 2 little pennies). Thank You.

  • yoola

    beautiful piece, its like you are my telepathic twin. keep it up. can’t wait for what you have to say about satisfying a man.

  • Jirade

    Very nice piece! The Maslow’s heirarchy of needs had me chuckling though. You must a Daystar member. Keep up the good work.

  • anu

    Hey, great job, I have never responded to a blog in my life- my first at 41, I could not resist. Real eye opener, keep it up.

    • ijustmetme

      wwwooowww anu! Thats awesome! glad to have brought you out of hiding ;o)

  • Tee

    Nice Piece, Good one…..Kudos! would love to read more

  • tinu

    this is the bomb, and so true. i love it.

  • I read your article on ‘how to satisfy a man’ first which I absolutely loved and I was curious to see if you will be able to surmount that mountain on revealing ‘how to satisfy a woman’…. Well, congratulations! You did.. lol..
    You hit the nail on the head and I hope that the men are taking notes! 🙂


  • Momo

    I love love this article and trust me I have read so many articles on relationships but this one definitely stands out. I know that I am passionate about relationships; I love reading about it, talking about it and just in general trying to understand the dymanics that come into play with relationships. The part where you talk about “No man can satisfy a woman simply by what HE DOES FOR HER. He fulfils her by allowing, motivating, and supporting her to be everything that SHE has the potential and capacity to be” really really struck a chord with me. Because of the type of person I am, the giver, its very very important to me for the man I see myself with to be able to stop me in my tracks once in a while to evaluate and discuss MY goals, My dreams and things I want to do in MY life that will help me reach that stage of self-actualization in my life because honestly I am certain of the fact that I WILL do everything I possibly can to help you reach that stage. Women have that ability in them to nurture but what men forget is that we also need to be nurtured. You dont want to reach your goal and have this great feeling of self fulfillment but have a woman who nonetheless is happy for you but doesn’t share your feelings because the truth is God has different purposes for each individual so it’s important that as you’re being edged on, you’re also doing the same for your partner.
    Also doing the little things all the time, so so important and most men don’t get it. Its not about the big things you do, honestly all those things are good for showing off to friends and all those who care to listen but its the very little things that you do that keeps the woman happy and keeps the relationship going.
    I am glad your outlining it for them to see.

    • ijustmetme

      Wow Momo,
      That’s what its about! I’m glad you were able to take some vital points away!

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