How do you SMELL?

How do you affect peopleYou’ve seen that movie. Someone is on the run …running through the forest, dodging trees and shrubs. Out of breath, bends over to suck in some oxygen and then continues to run. A few hundred yards behind that person….the pursuers…led by dogs. Dogs that are tracking the scent left behind by the fleeing runner. The pursuers can’t see the runner… but the dogs can still smell him or her.
Usually, the pursuers give the dog something that belongs to the runner and they let the dog smell that shirt, car, glove or whatever, and that becomes a recognizable scent.The runner left that scent and the dogs are barking their way towards it.

Everyone has a “scent” they leave behind. I’m not talking about a physical scent (Although some people leave that too). I am talking about an emotional, psychological or even spiritual scent. When they come around, they make us feel a certain way and when they leave, a certain aura or “scent” remains.

The scope of this article is not to dissect others…it’s to dissect yourself. Yea. YOU. What is the residual emotional, psychological or spiritual scent you bring to a place…or leave behind when you leave a place?

In other words, when people think of you, do they feel that they can pour their heart out to you in their most vulnerable state and know that you’ll be a shoulder to lean on? OR

Do they feel that they can never let you see them weak…that they cannot allow you to see them down? Do they feel like they have to look like they “have it together?”

When someone feels like they have become a punching bag for life’s troubles, are you a bag of ice? A soothing relief…even if temporary? Or are you a mirror that reminds them of how bad they have been beaten up.

Want to experience more satisfaction out of life? Want to have higher self esteem? Want to feel closer to God? Want to feel like you matter in the world? Decide to be that bag of ice. Decide to AFFECT people positively. Decide to be a reminder for people that there is hope…that they are loved…Be the reason why someone decides to try again…to love again…to smile again.

Leave a good “Scent”

Worth sharing?

Read. Love. Share. IJUSTMETME

 

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  • Taiwo

    How does one become a mirror that reminds another of how bad things are? Is it by being weighed down with life ourselves? Is it by not finding the strength to encourage ourselves which will then give us the word to encourage others? Very reflective article

  • ijustmetme

    Taiwo..great insight. It can certainly be those things. While this article was somewhat about people who are not weighed down by life but make others who may be weighed down feel even more weighed down, it certainly is possible that because of our own weight of the world that we carry…because of our own trial and tribulations, we reflect discouragement. The difference between those two is that one person IS going through pain and difficulty , and it happens to show on their face; and the other person is NOT going through difficulty but makes those who ARE hurt inside even more by giving off the “its your fault your’re in this situation-im better than you-im just your friend so i can make myself feel better cos you are waaayy worse of than me- im rich youre not- i have it good and you dont” smell. Great great insight Taiwo! Thanks for commenting!

  • Taiwo

    Oh wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww, i just got it, thank you for clarifying that. You would think, wow that’s an awful thing to do, as Christians, we shouldn’t even be caught near that, but if you think about it, in our “holier than thou” state sometimes, we tend to reflect that smell to unbelievers who do things that land them in trouble. It’s so easy to do, because we feel we know what’s right and they “the friend” should have handled it a different way. Rather, we should be a source of encouragement no matter what; that’s what Jesus does to us every time we fall short, which is all the time! Wow, thank you again for clarifying and for sharing!

  • Nago

    I think I used to be a bag of ice to the people around me. But lately that has changed and i’m helpless to change that. I want to get back to that place I used to be, it felt better. I had always felt happy that someone could lean on my shoulder, pour out their hearts…. i think my change happened some months back after a heartbreak, one I never saw coming. I tell myself now that I’ve moved on but I know I lie, and it’s affecting my overall demeanor. This article is calling out to me and I have to find a way to respond.

    • ijustmetme

      Wow Nago…this is deep. Thanks for sharing that. I know exactly how you feel and you are right. It does feel better to be that person for others. Sometimes life does get in the way…stumbling blocks come and clouds descend to block our perspective and our sense of direction. But we can always go back. We can always return North. You know what, being that bag of ice can actually be the anti-venom you need to heal from your heartbreak. You can do this…and ill be here if you need me. Thanks again for sharing

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  • I am stil striving and want to leave a good scent behind,a scent that encourages,grows,uplifts everyone that perceives it.God help me.

    http://imperfectlyperfect92.wordpress.com

  • thebabewhobattleswithnegativities

    I stumbled on your web page on bella naija following a good read on things to note about abuse. I’m so grateful I made the decision to read further. I am that person you will call an average Nigerian, trying to make ends meet. I have a good job (started out about 5 months ago) and I find that I have been able to develop a good relationship with my boss and also succeeded in earning his respect. Thing is I just believe I have an attitude problem cos everyone seems to have an issue with me, maybe just maybe I have a repulsive smell cos most people relate with me at arm’s length (need I say I prefer to be professional at all times and don’t engage in side talks), that could be the reason I haven’t been able to develop a good relationship with them.
    There’s a colleague of mine (we have the same job designation), as much as I’m keen about the job and he is too, this has made us silent competitors which I find hard to relate with. I always like to win, this makes me a bit opinionated, so this has affected my relationship with the said colleague.
    Also I just generally feel like I’m battling with some degree of low self esteem, ironically, most people call me a highly confident person (reason my boss hired me) but I still battle these demons right inside of me.
    I just generally think there are too many wrongs in my life (character wise) and I just want to be that pleasant lady that has the “smell” like a nice perfume that attracts everyone.
    Pls help.

    • ijustmetme

      Hi there!
      Thanks for reaching out and sharing. A few things come to mind with the bit of information you provide about the situation.
      1.Communication not really about what you intent to say or convey. It is always about the RESPONSE you get. So if you are constantly getting negative feedback, you have to change what you communicate. You may have great intentions but you have to be careful how you communicate those intentions. Also, I suspect that when you are in a new environment, or even in a new conversation with someone, you quickly move to ascertain your intelligence and presence. (talking with a raised voice, talking ahead of the conversation, asking a lot of challenging questions etc) If you do, stop. Speak at the pace of the person you are speaking to and ask questions in a way that makes someone feel that you are trying to understand the situation, not that you are merely challenging them
      2.The confidence people see could (as it looks like you are starting to see) be overcompensation for the internal low self esteem you have. My advice is to win but win fair and square. Win in performance without losing relationships. Don’t be cunning. The way you WIN TOTALLY is by being the coworker who is pleasant and amicable but still PERFORMS better. Think about high school. You probably knew one person who was better than everyone but who still played with everyone versus the kid that did better than everyone because he was just playing teacher’s favorite and chummed up with the teacher. The first one wins and wins totally. Perform well and relate well. That doesn’t mean you have to be liked y everyone ..it just means be cordial but let your work speak for itself.

  • thebabewhobattleswithnegativities

    Thanks a lot. You’re not so far from it… I will try this consciously for a week and give you a feedback.

    • ijustmetme

      Awesome!!

  • ada

    well, people always confide in me which is good i think. but i also think i give off the ‘scent’ of being a doormat. a typical example: back in uni, as president of a club, i had a social director who was never around/never did her duties/always came late to meetings, etc. but i always covered for her, did some of her jobs, never scolded/rebuked her because i didnt want any confrontation. the PRO of the club actually said: ada, you can swallow shit o!
    a friend owes me money for 4 months now, she has not been able to pay. whenever i talk to her, i just say ‘ok’ to all her explanations, i dont know how to express how angry i am, i’m afraid of saying the wrong thing/being a ‘bad’ friend. A while ago, i really needed the money and she wasnt available – didnt reply my calls, texts, etc. so whenever i catch myself ‘reporting’ her to other friends, i feel like i should be talking to her directly and not ‘slandering’ her, right? please how do i stop being a doormat and still follow peace with everyone like the Bible says?

    • ijustmetme

      Hello Ada,
      First and foremost, it’s not necessarily a bad thing to be considerate or be a team player or have a heart of helping out. The problem as you have rightly alluded is when people take advantage of us and become inconsiderate of us.
      Here are a couple of thoughts. I want you to take time to really reflect on these principles and ask your self. What does it mean for me?
      -Not everyone needs to like you
      – Are you too afraid of rejection? Are you
      -What is the FIRST impression you give to people? Right now, the first impression you give may be “I am a soft shell with a soft core” You may have to work on creating first impressions that say. “ I am a kind heart with a hard shell” . In other words, sometimes people have to earn it form you. Always lead with personal excellence and people will respect you.
      -For situations like your friend. You may want to employ a self managed ultimatum. This means when you do get in touch with her, ask her to give you a payment plan for repayment. That will do a few things (1) she will OWN the process (2) she will not be able to say that you have given her unrealistic goals because SHE set them herself (3) it gives you a timeframe that YOU have the permission to hold her accountable for. You just have to make sure it is realistic and that she is no over exaggerating her ability to payback. Before she gives you the plan, let her know it’s one you need to be able to hold her accountable for.
      -Lastly, I want to go back to first impressions. It’s not just about the first minute…it’s about the first month, the first 3 months or whatever. It’s about how you dress and how you speak…how you carry yourself…How you walk and everything. Take a step back and you’ll probably see that you may be creating an impression that unconsciously tells people its ok to treat you that way.
      God luck and hope this helps.