I know… but that’s not enough : A reader’s thoughts

I have never done this before. I mean I read EVERY…yes EVERY comment that posts on the blog from readers because I am still eager to learn and you…yes…you readers teach me with your responses. Many readers write me “off record” and some are my life/motivational coaching clients…but I have never done this before….responding to a reader’s comment and using that response as the basis of a post. However, this initially off-record email I got was so directly related to my thoughts on the epilogue for the “I know…but that’s not enough” series that I feel this is the best way to do this. So I contacted her and got her permission to do so. You are reading this because she said yes. We will call her “X”…

That said, this post is dedicated to all the readers across the world that treat ijustmetme as more than a blog…you know who you are. You read the articles and you implement them…you are inspired by them, you share them and you are starting to change your life and the lives of others around you through this website. Thank you for inspiring me.

So….Here is “A reader’s thoughts on “I know…but that’s not enough – Part 3”. My epilogue is below that…

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“My relationship with family and friends has always been great but when it comes to guys, well, let’s just say it’s completely different. I don’t know you personally but I guess I don’t mind being open.

My first relationship: I was 21. I pretty much had me figured out, at least I thought so. Anyway, I meet this guy in church, I thought we complemented each other and shared the same views on things that mattered, God, family, etc. Long story cut short, it ended because he was insecure, and he got jealous when I reconnected with a childhood friend. I guess the relationship was going to end anyway, he had been with other girls, some of them were people I called friends.

I like to think I’m rational, I let God, my head and my heart guide me. I want to talk about this ‘sense of entitlement.’ Fast forward 5 yrs. I met someone almost 4 months ago, however, what we started ended 1 week ago when I found out about a lie. Funny thing is that HE ended it. Anyway, in both instances, there was dishonesty. People who know me say I am a wonderful giver but not so good at receiving. Truth is, that’s just the way I’ve been raised. I come from a family where I’ve never really lacked (even though things haven’t always been rosy) but people sacrificed for the sake of the family’s well being. I guess that’s the mindset I’ve taken into both relationships.

I would gladly sacrifice my time, and everything else I had to my name for them. I literally loved with all that I had. Even when I didn’t feel loved enough, even when I felt the imbalance, even when I felt like I deserved more, like I was entitled to more, and was getting the short end of the stick, I loved even more.

The first guy told me recently how much he wishes things had worked out. That he felt the most loved when he was with me. This latest ex still wants to be friends because he says he cannot imagine being without me. Do these men mean it when they said these things? I don’t know. But my point is that if after I gave my all, I didn’t feel I was getting what I needed back in return, if I didn’t feel what I wanted to feel to the level I wanted, then wasn’t that reason enough to walk away? I knew they ‘loved’ me, but it wasn’t enough. 

I’m not sure why I started writing. I think I was not happy with your conclusion, because there are times when even after you’ve searched yourself, and asked the “HOW” questions, sometimes the feeling of “I deserve better” persists. I would liken it to my relationship with God, I understand the importance of fellowship. I went to a church that I didn’t feel was right enough for me for 10 years. There were times when church was good, thing is I can count those times. I was in the choir, drama group, I worked with the youth, etc. I gave like I know how towards the church, but I still felt like I wanted more. I wasn’t content. I finally found a church that met my needs, and even though it’s not perfect, I don’t feel that sense of “it’s not enough.” I don’t know if I’m getting my thoughts across, all I’m trying to say is, people shouldn’t always dismiss the feeling.

Alright, thanks for sharing your thoughts once again. It was a good read.

X”
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So that was one of the many that poured in during the series. Like I mentioned, some were from my life coaching clients and we were able to really delve into the topic one on one because it was pertinent to a current situation in their lives. I want to thank her for giving me the permission to share her thoughts and my response to them, with the rest of my readers. So here it is:

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There is one VITAL….very SIGNIFICANT thing she said that makes me love her response and perhaps answers the question she snuck in there ;o)  which was “if I didn’t feel what I wanted to feel to the level I wanted, then wasn’t that reason enough to walk away?”

That thing was that ““there are times when even after you’ve searched yourself, and asked the “HOW” questions, the feeling of “I deserve better” persists.””

Of further importance is the key phrase: “after you’ve searched yourself”.

You see, THAT’S IT! That phrase is at the very core of the series. The articles don’t tell you what decisions to make (not my place) or how to define satisfaction in a relationship (not my place either). What they DO seek to accomplish is to give practical tools in order to accomplish that “searching yourself” process that she talks about. It helps the reader to go through a process of honest self conversation, making sure that the solution to the problems begin from WITHIN and when those are resolved,…once those clouds of emotions clear, once we understand our potential role in our own pain, we can make an objective decision about what is best for us. At the end of the Part 2 article, I say this:  “The good thing is that even after going through this process, if we still come to the conclusion that we are in a wrong relationship, then we would have arrived at that conclusion having taken the right mental journey. We would have RESPONDED not REACTED.” That’s what this series is really about…the ability to ask ourselves the right questions and manage our emotions from within. Of course if we still feel that we are in the wrong place after this process, RUN….run like a bat out of hell. We all deserve positivity in our lives and we all certainly have a right to pursue and protect it. (The only catch there is to do that if you are NOT married. If you are, don’t run…seek help)

Thank you X!!!

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