We are often so obsessed with taking the relationship to the “next level”. Many people are so obsessed with getting a commitment from the other personand many are under intense pressure to define that relationship or escalate it.There is nothing wrong with defining a relationship. In fact it is VERY important to do so early in the relationship… but that’s not what this article is about.  This article is about taking a step back to see if you should.

You see, as important as it is to define or escalate a relationship, it is more (waaayyyy more) important to define or escalate the RIGHT one and there is one critical question that people need to ask but rarely do.

This question is a simple but powerful one. It helps to make both an objective and an emotional evaluation. It is a powerful way to weigh the pros and cons of the relationship and it can serve as a way to step outside the current butterflies to see a clearer picture. It will certainly help you focus on what is fundamentality important to you. I have used this question in my coaching sessions and talk about it often at speaking engagements. I decided to share with everyone.Before I do, it is important to talk about WHY this question or thought process is important. Why even bother writing about this? Well, because I have seen that marriage escalates our character and traits. We become aware of who we really are in marriage. The guards are down and we settle more and more into who we actually are. The good gets better and typically (but unfortunately) the bad gets worse.

Ok…here it is

:If both the positive and negative traits of that person or relationship increased in intensity every year for the next 5 years, would you still want to be in that relationship? (CLICK TO TWEET THAT!)

Here is another way to think of it:

If all the good traits in your relationship got significantly better every year for the next 5 years and all the negative traits got significantly worse every year for the next 5 years, would you still want to be in that relationship?

In other words, will the good outweigh the bad…or will the intensified negative trait suffocate the good stuff?

Think about it. Literally put those good traits side by side with those bad traits and dial up the intensity.

Look and share:

Whether you are going from Talking to Dating, from Dating to Engaged, or Engaged to Married…this applies.

Now is this analysis a reason to run out of the current/potential relationship like a bat out of hell? Maybe…but maybe not. It DOES mean however, that if there are issues that are “concerns” or “Red Flags” as my friends over at Red Flags Movie calls them, you should seek to understand, discuss and  resolve them before you take that relationship to the next level.By the way…who I am to define what is good vs bad….no one. These are just examples….you can (in fact you SHOULD) replace those traits with what YOU actually consider good vs bad. This is just so you can get the idea.

My friends over at Red Flags produced and released a movie actually titled Red Flags along the same lines. Check it out HERE

When we are dating, we are very aware of ourselves around the other person. We are aware of how we sound, how we look and what impression that person has of us. When we get married however, we settle in over time. Our sense of motivation to impress the other person can easily be replaced by a sense of entitlement. We settle into who we really are. That can be a really good thing, but it can really be a bad thing.So ask yourself that question. Whether you are the one under pressure from someone else to take the relationship to the next level, or you are the one itching for that other person to define/escalate the relationship, stop and think.

Nuff said.

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