Category archive - Relationships

What is the Minimum Connection You Should Feel Before Starting or Continuing a Relationship?

Dinner date illustration
So there you are…you are being approached by someone or you are approaching someone and you are asking yourself the ever-common question “What minimum connection must I feel with this person to be comfortable moving forward?”

This may sound like a simple question but some of the stories I have heard lately are just proof that matters of the heart can be complicated and things that should be plain to see could be very elusive. Read more

Is Your Relationship or Marriage Demanding You to Compromise Yourself or to Grow?

Woman Thinking on Laptop
Nobody wants to totally lose themselves in relationships. In fact, we fight tooth and nail in relationships to retain the versions of ourselves we are used to so we say or hear things like:

I want someone to love me the way I am
I don’t want to lose myself in the relationship or marriage
I know this person loves me because they never try to change me

It’s a blurry line this one. The line between “Compromising Yourself” and Growth. They are like twins only that we believe that one of them has a negative connotation (has horns) and that the other one has a positive one (has halos).
Which is which and how do you tell?
Read more

The Prenup Conversation We Don’t Want to Have (Especially in Church)

Young Couple Thinking
The prenup conversation is just one of those conversations that are so unromantic for most people that the very mention of it is bound to make both people seriously uncomfortable and will even cause many to feel that there is a red flag in the relationship.

And since the church doesn’t believe or advocate divorce, by default, the church doesn’t believe in or promote prenuptial agreements. That is totally understandable.

Over the past several months, I have been asked several times about it by students in my course, readers of my blog and other Christian singles who (even though they agree that they don’t want to end up in divorce) still have questions about prenups and at least want to have a conversation around it to help them be better grounded on the matter.and I have spent the past few weeks trying to understand it so I can present an objective perspective for the Christian single who wants to have a bit more clarity about it. Read more

Stay or Let it Go?

stay...or let it goThings were once great…once hopeful. But you are tired. Tired of feeling this way. Tired of this sinking feeling that this relationship needs to end.
It’s been haunting you and you are getting close (if you are not already there) to the point where you are “In it….but not really IN IT”.

After a while, (whether you voice it or not) certain thoughts start to creep in and start to get louder:

-Did I make a good decision to make a commitment to this person in the first place?
-Are we going somewhere or am I wasting my time?
-Where is the line between compromise and undermining myself?
-I’ve been here for so long…will it be worth it to start over?
-If I break this off, will people think the worst of me?
And the grand daddy of them all…
-Should I stay or let it go?
Read more

Don’t Just Say I Love You … on Valentine’s Day, Have These Deep, Meaningful Conversations Instead

Vals day
So…its that time of year again where we are supposed to celebrate love and buy roses and go on dates and express our love and all that good stuff. It’s going to be a madhouse at flower shops, gift shops, and restaurants… and that’s all good.
There is one thing though, that I have noticed about V-Day: There is so much help out there about what to DO but not enough help on what to SAY or HOW to say it.

Sure you have that someone else wrote that seems to capture what you want to say in a few words….but as you know deep down inside, that can’t replace that deep 30-minute conversation when you are fully connected, vulnerable and actually communicating. Read more

When You are in Love but Frustrated about the Relationship

Frustrated black couple
Being in a relationship can be the best thing ever when things are peachy and both people are firing on all love cylinders.
But being in a relationship can be really frustrating when you know you care deeply about each other but still can’t seem to get on the same page about the nature of the relationship or your expectations for the relationship.

Why does this happen? How is it that two people can desire to be in a relationship care deeply about each other, have little to no issues about each other’s character, and yet are frustrated BY the relationship?
Read more